What really comes through here is less “preparation” and more a nervous system running hot under anticipation.
The cuticles, the pacing thoughts, the meticulous rituals all feel like attempts to create control around something that is emotionally bigger than control can hold. And underneath it all is that fragile, very human tension between wanting certainty and knowing you can’t actually guarantee it.
There’s also a strong self-awareness running through it, which is the quiet anchor in the piece.
What really comes through here is less “preparation” and more a nervous system running hot under anticipation.
The cuticles, the pacing thoughts, the meticulous rituals all feel like attempts to create control around something that is emotionally bigger than control can hold. And underneath it all is that fragile, very human tension between wanting certainty and knowing you can’t actually guarantee it.
There’s also a strong self-awareness running through it, which is the quiet anchor in the piece.
Thank you for your very thoughtful comment!
You’re so so welcome 🙏
Super lovely account of waiting and prepping
Thank you!